Summer Quotes

These quotes are in random order...but still funny.

Maddie: “I don’t want to throw up in Grandma’s hand again...”

Jocelyn: “Peach fuzz, patchy ‘stache.”

Maddie: “Raise your hand if you want to watch Hercules!”

*Tickling Maddie’s back:
Maddie: “Tickling is the best...

*Maddie lies across my lap:
Maddie: “Kiss me on the lips and I’ll be a prince.”

Maddie: “Why won’t anyone give me a chance?”

*After Jocelyn’s FHE lesson:
Maddie: (whispers) “Thank you for understanding how much I need you.”

Maddie: “Mom, can I poke your buttons?”

*Buying a cute tie for Nolan’s dad:
Jocelyn: “We need to youth-anize him.”
Krn: “What?!”

*Jocelyn looking at a tie on a rack:
Jocelyn: “This is nice! (picks it up) ....for a clip on....”

*In Nauvoo watching the musical show, High Hopes and River Boats, at the Visitors’ Center- there was a love triangle...
Krn: “So the moral of the story is, don’t marry the guy that tells you to ‘grow up’?”
Gail: “I think you completely missed the point of that show...”

~~~~~

In Askov:

Jocelyn: “Take Muddy to the puddy.” (Meant to Say: Take Maddie to the potty)

*Guy tapping Jocelyn with his smelly feet:
Jocelyn: “Get your topsy turvy off me!” (MTS: tippy toes)

*Jocelyn and I talking at laughing before bed:
Maddie: (in a tired voice) “You guys need to stop talking so I can get some rest.”
-Yeah, that made us laugh more.

*Watched The Last Unicorn and heard the song, Now that I’m a Woman.
Guy: “Now that I’m a walrus...everything has changed.”

*Maddie was a little confused when we kept calling our grandma Johnsen, grandma:
Maddie: “Where’s Grandma?”
Krn: “She’s downstairs.”
Maddie: (looks skeptical) “My real grandma?”

Jocelyn: “Focus on the good things...”
Clay: “Dad doesn’t have any bad things. He golfs 4 times a week. He’s retired. He’s got the good side of the bad bed...”

*Had a conversation about a abused girl we saw on the news:
Krn: “This is kind of a sad way to end this conversation.”
Clay: “On that note...I’m going to go to bed. You guys need to think about what you’ve done.”

*Parents sleeping on uncomfortable couch bed:
Jocelyn: “Are you sure you’re okay on this bed? I’m really worried about you. It’s really not a big deal...Karen and Clay can just sleep out here...”
Gail: “Wow...you are so generous.”

*Saw some geese cross the street:
Gail: “Look at that! It’s a whole flock!”
Krn: “That’s a gaggle.”

*Uncle Lee has a huge dog named Bandit:
Maddie: “Sometimes I call him Bandage.”

*About to drive through Glacier National Park:
Aunt Julie: “Who has UPS?” (Meant to say: GPS)

Gail: “Hey, Clay?”
Clay: “You can’t talk to me that way! I’m your son!”

*Talking about Clay’s stolen DVDs:
Gail: “Who stole them?”
Clay: “A robber...” (Duh! face)

*Walking through Parade of Homes houses:
Gail: “Isn't that the cutest game room you’ve ever seen?”
Random Girl: “I don’t want to talk about it...”

Zane/ Eric Thronton: “Put a little Reducer on it!”

*Random boy sitting in Aunt Julie’s yard- Cops come to ask why he is there:
(looking through window at them)
Guy: “With how corrupt cops are these days, I wouldn’t be surprised if he shot him.”

*Clark talking about Emily Emmer:
Clark: “Ping Pang Pamela.”
Krn: “How did that nickname come about?”
Clark: “I can tell you exactly how. Emily. Emmel. Pemmel. Pamela. Ping Pang Pamela.”

Nolan: “Maddie, are you ready for me to blow your mind?”
Maddie: “No. I want to keep all my minds.”

*Maddie unwraps present from Grandma for new baby:
Maddie: “OH SNAP!”

Jocelyn: “This hotel internet is so slow.”
Zane: “The concierge said we could bring our own cable, plug it into the wall for dial up.”
Jocelyn: “Yes Jurassic Park.”
Krn: “HAHA. WHAT? That doesn't make any sense.”

*Not enough space at the table:
Stuart: “Someone can sit on my lap—just as long as I can still reach my food.”

Jocelyn: “I love that Jenny is working while everyone just sits here.”
Gail: “Yeah, while you sit there and drink your hot chocolate.”
Nolan: “The hot chocolate you didn’t even get for yourself.” (He went out to get it)
Jocelyn: “Babe, I love you. I’m totally going to sex you up......someday.”

Italy Trip Quotes

While in Italy we traveled all over from Rome to Pompeii, Florence, Monterosso (Cinque Terre), Milan, Venice and then back to Rome. With a group of eight, there will be many things said in a day that are just plain funny. Here are a few that were written down on a scrap piece of paper I was lucky to have.


Julie: "Look! The angels have straw hats!"
Jana: "I think they're halos..."


We were sitting on some benches outside of the Borghese Gallary and Gail leaned over from another bench to say something to me. I can't remember what she said, but it was something I already knew...
(interrupting her):
Krn: "I know, I know...I know, I know, I know, Yeah."
(2 minutes later)
Zane: "I know, I know...I know, I know, I know." (mimicking me)
-We then went on to say this almost every day...sometimes many times. haha

Outside St. Peter's Church looking at statues. One was of a woman with a dog next to her
Zane: "Bark-tholemew."

While sitting on the Spanish Steps a man came up to me and started talking to Gary asking if I was his daughter. She's so beautiful, here's a free rose..la ta da. He literally put the rose in one hand and took my other arm and triple tied a colorful little bracelet on. He even cut it so the ends would be short. He was saying it's free...yeah right. I gave him a euro and then he left us alone.
Krn: "I got attacked."

In Pompeii:
When we got to Pompeii, we decided to pay for a guide and it was such a great idea. He taught us tons of stuff we never would have known, and he was really funny too.
Guide: "50% is guided, 50% is imagination. The buildings will speak to you."

-"Now, I show you the pee-pee room."

-"It's Roman (points one way), It's Greek (points the other)."

While walking around after the guided tour part, Jan desperately needed to use the restroom and we were no where near any. She then went behind a wall and made her own pee-pee room. I can't remember who said this, but it was awesome.
-"She ruined the ruins!"

Jana was standing near a tourist group, listening in on their conversation to see if she could understand some Italian.
Jana thinking: "Wow, I understand a lot more Italian than I thought!" ....Then she realized they were speaking Spanish. :)

A baby squealed loudly:
Zane: "Raptor baby..."

In Florence:
Krn: "He's got a six pack on his back!!"



While getting pizza, Julie was trying to point to a specific one and ask what was on it. The man and woman working there knew a little English, but she was definitely testing them. She was pointing to one that the lady couldn't see, so it was this super long moment of, "This one?" "No." That happened about 20 times before they finally matched up. Then she didn't even like what was on it.
Pizza man: "You are dangerous."
-She finally picked one and he put it in the oven to reheat, then she changed her mind after the pizza was practically done.
Julie: "Wait! I changed my mind! I was that one!"
Pizza Man: "Yes, Danger."

While walking along the street Zane, Jana and I saw a store that was simply named, "thestore." We all then said it with our own Italian accent, which did make it sound much more foreign.

Another time while shopping along the street some guys sprinted by holding a sheet that looked like it was wrapped around something. One yelled out some word and immediately all the other guys who were selling something illegal scooped up their stuff, picked up their boxes and ran away just as fast. The police are coming! haha

Jana saw the word "Rispetto," which means respect. She then started singing Aretha Franklin's song, Respect, but was spelling it the Italian way. You should try it because it sounds way funny.

Because we didn't want to eat out on Sunday, we bought some groceries on Saturday so we would have enough for lunch and dinner. But, by the time dinner came around there was only some apples, bread and cheese left. Paul was asked to bless dinner and he ended up saying...
Paul: "And please bless this snack..."
-Me and few others started laughing during the prayer, and Paul didn't even realize he had said snack by accident, instead of dinner. It was a very accurate slip-up though.

In Monterosso:
We decided to go on a hike in the afternoon before we spent time on the beach. We took a shuttle uphill then had to walk even farther up this winding rode until we found the trail we wanted to hike down. The only person actually wearing hiking shoes was Gary. The rest of us had on flip-flops or scandals. We all though because it was going to be downhill it would be easy. Um...NO. It had TONS of loose rocks and it was extremely steep. So every step is putting tons of pressure on your muscles not only to keep your shoes on, but to stop yourself from slipping too. After the hour long hike all of our legs were shaking something fierce.
Paul: "Spaghetti Trail."
-Our legs definitely felt like cooked noodles.

In Milan:
During our complimentary breakfast at our hotel a woman came around asking if we wanted coffee. Jan's reply was...
Jan: "Nine." (meaning No in German)
Jana: "Aunt Jan is pulling out the German!"
Jan: "That was my last European trip!"

These next quotes are ones where I can't exactly remember where we were, or they were repeated so often there is no way of knowing when they originated:

In many of the museums taking photos was NOT allowed, but tons of people did anyway. We would then hear with think Italian accents:
Security Guards: "NO PHOTO!!!"

In the train stations one of the women from our group ALWAYS had to use the restroom. It cost money to go at the stations, but they could never hold it.
Paul: "A euro for a urine."

Zane was living for the complimentary breakfast buffets we enjoyed at most of our hotels. If we had to catch a train very early in the morning, he was always very upset that we would miss it. This next quote is very simple, but its one I heard him say many, many times.
Zane: "Breakfast?"

Zane and I quoting a movie Clark and he had made at Brigham Young University a few years ago. (There are so many closets here. I know!) But we translated it into Spanish...
-"Hay muchos mariposos aquí. Yo sé!"

Gail: "Will you be the last one to shut the light and turn off the door?"
Krn: "Shut the light and turn off the door? Really?"

Zane and I were talking at the train station while the 'adults' figured out the plan
Krn: "I don't even care. Let's just fly home." (flaps arms)
Zane: "I just flew in from Italy...BOY, are my arms tired!"

Zane kept quoting Three Amigos:
Zane: "Look up here! Look up here!"

Zane also made up a few catchy tunes..
Zane: "Kitty cat, Kitty cat. It's a feline day..."

Every time my mom and I would take a picture together Zane would start singing...
Zane: "Marmee and Me. It's Marmee and Me, we're having so much fun..."
-The lyics and tune kept changing, but I always laughed.

Another random joke that Zane and I somehow started was taking a picture of our feet in as many different positions as we could think of. I have NO idea why, but it was a defining feature of our trip. This is my favorite...



While in Venice, Paul jokingly started talking about Venetian blinds and how we hadn't seen any.
Paul: "The only think I'm going to remember is Blindini and how he created the Venetian Blinds."

At the airport in Rome, while we were going through security I asked the guard if I had to take off my belt as well. He nodded and as I was about to walk through the metal detector he said,
Guard: "And your pants!"
Krn: (laughing) "What!?"
Guard: "I like it very much!"
-He was totally flirty. It was so awkward, but awesome at the same time. Lol.

It was an amazing trip, but I definitely was ready to sleep in my own bed for days just to recuperate. Jana was the most amazing and intelligent tour guide. We were extremely lucky to have her with us because she was always prepared and knew everything and everything. Italy is awesome and I feel very blessed that my parents brought me along. Grazie!

Cruise Quotes

I'm totally slacking on typing all these quotes on here. I still have to finish my old book, but I wanted to type up a few quotes that have been sitting in my draft folder for a couple months. My family and a few of our great friends (pseudo siblings) went on a Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate my dad's retirement. It was probably the best vacation EVER. Not only was the cruise so fun in itself, but our group was so fun (and funny) to be around and it was wonderful to spend time with everyone.

So here are a few that I remembered to write down. If anyone remembers any other ones, please let me know!

BEFORE LEAVING ON THE CRUISE:

Playing a game called Masterpiece where you bid on paintings. The person with the most money and valuable paintings wins in the end. The big joke of the night was when Zane didn't want to bid higher, but he did want to bid...
Gary: "I bid $450."
Zane: "I ALSO bid $450..."

-Playing Mexican Train with Gary, Gail, Jocelyn, Zane and me... Its such a fun game, but with a lot of people it takes forever to get around the circle once. Dad was consistently taking a long time and his turn was after mine. He kept saying...
Gary: "Is it my turn again?"
Krn: "Every time after I go...YOU GO."

Still playing Mexican Train...
Zane: "I am currently experiencing no pity."


-Still in Houston- about 5 or 6 adults jumping on the trampoline with Maddie. Spencer was sitting on Sho's back...
Matt Moser: (to Maddie) "Spencer is riding Sho like a pony."

-Jocelyn and Gail were talking to Maddie and asking her which one of her 5 uncles is her favorite. She very sincerely said...
Maddie: "Matt!"
...too bad he isn't one of the choices. :)

-Stuart wanted to get to bed earlier than the rest of us, but due to the number of people in the house, he didn't have a bed. He was trying to sleep on a couch in the main upstairs game room.
Stuart: "Um...I was just wondering if there is a war-zone I could go to to get some sleep..."

Krn: "I had to stop her screaming..."
-I was talking to Janie at the kitchen table and trying to get her to guess what movie I was quoting. After a while I said...
Krn: "Clue."
-She didn't realize I had given her the answer, so she kept trying to guess and finally said,
Janie: "Oh...I don't know."

DURING THE CRUISE:

Every night around 11:00 we would go up to our designated area, eat ice-cream, and play a game with our whole group. Mafia quickly became our game of choice. It was fun to play because we all know each other pretty well, so it was interesting to try to read people's guilt and innocence. We had a few great quotes from different nights playing this game...

-Gary was being accused of being Mafia and we wanted to take a vote to kill him...
Gary: "That would be a HUGE mistake!!"

One time during Mafia, Zane was being very quiet. When we asked what he thought, he said...
Zane: "I am incredible sure right now."
the group: "Of what?"
Zane: "Nothing. That's it."

-Guy had us laughing for hours with his Bahamian/Jamaican accent. It didn't matter what he was saying, because it sounded so funny...but luckily for us, everything he was saying was hysterical too
Guy: "5 dollars off my wife. If you don't believe me ask the dishes!"

Guy: "5 dollars off...no matter the price!"

And we can never forget....SHOWTIME. ShooooowwwwwTimmmmeeee.
Our Maitre D: "THANNNNNNNNKKKKKK YOUUUUUU!" (in a singing voice)

-Playing sand volleyball at a beach in Freeport: Lots of people from the cruise and some locals joined it too. One local stopped by to play and brought a plastic cup full of rum to drink during breaks. Anytime he messed up, this is what Clay would say...
Clay: "Drink more rum, Bahama!"

-One guy we had seen a few times of the cruise was playing Vball with us as well. I was sitting on the side talking pictures when he walked up to be and set his 'water' bottle down. He had been calling it his Gatorade.
Drunk guy: "Don't drink this!"
(A waft of vodka breath slammed into my face)
Krn: "I DEFINITELY won't."

-After digging a huge hole in the sand, Clark and Zane sat in it while we filled it back up. We took some amazingly funny pictures, but problems arose when Zane couldn't get out. We all were laughing and having a good time about it, but obviously Zane was not. He was at a really bad angle and honestly was stuck.
Zane: "I'm Stuck!! FIX IT!"

-I honestly don't remember the context of this next one, but it is amazingly funny by itself.
Stuart: "If you spanked my butt right now, it would think it was a massage and it would accept its fate."

-From our awesome movie 'Ninja Fun: Pirate's Revenge" there was a scene where Zane, Clark and I are talking about how we need to rescue the princess. Clark has a line, where he pauses, but Zane accidently jumps in before Clark has finished. Zane makes it work, but Clark can barely hold it together. Of course, I am referring to...
Zane: "WHAT!? ...Yes."

-Start at 8:20 to see the original (accidental) "What? Yes."

-Another funny moment for the movie is when the Ninjas are eating lunch and talking about kidnapping the pirate princess. Janie was supposed to be in the scene too, but we couldn't find her. Stuart solved this problem by saying...
Stuart: "Why does it always feel like a ninja is missing? What's that about?"



I seriously had the best time on the cruise and it was because of all of you. Thank you for making the cruise so enjoyable and keeping me laughing everyday. :)

Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series

So...last night I finished James Dashner's second novel in the Maze Runner series called "The Scorch Trials." I really enjoyed the book, but I was feeling extremely frustrated with how the book ended. Like other YA novels (i.e. Hunger Games), the second book ended without answering any of the old questions, but the entire novel is devoted to presenting new ones as well. I read about 50% of the book last night, so my frustration was pretty high by the end (especially knowing I will have to wait until October 2011 to read the last novel). After finishing I tweeted something to the extent that I kind of wanted to punch Dashner in the face and that I wish he had explained more in The Scorch Trials.

The next morning my brother Zane had tweeted me something in response to my rant-y tweet. I just wanted to share the twitter bomb he left me, because it makes me laugh every time I read it.

Zane Johnsen:

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book One: The Stand Out Novel That Gets You Hooked

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Two: The Mystery of the Obnoxious Cliffhanger

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Three: The Untimely Death of Some Throw Away Characters

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Four: The Forgettable, Incomprehensible Mess

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Five: Everything in Book Four Was So Bad That It Was All a Dream, RETCON LOL!

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Six: The Cliffhangers from Book Two Have Yet to Be Resolved.

-Karen Johnsen and the Unsatisfactory Series - Book Seven: The Author Hates You, Specifically


Zane...this is absolutely amazing and I hope others can appreciate this amazing humor. I'm sure many of us who read series can relate to this, which makes it more applicable and hysterical.